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Full of Myself

February 18, 2013
sunny dawn summers

Full of myself on Mardi Gras day. I made my feather mohawk from turkey quills but let’s pretend it’s from an eagle.

I was driving home from acupuncture this morning when the opposite traffic coming around the switchback slowed to a stop. A huge bald eagle had swooped down to the middle of the 4 lane road and was sitting there like, “What.”

There was road kill on the side of the road. A big something. Other birds were coming in too, but none landing like he did in the middle of the road. He just sat there, taller than the bumpers on the cars that had stopped for him.

When I got home, I went outside to replace a lightbulb. When I looked up to reach the bulb, another eagle was gliding above me. The wing span is mind blowing.

When I was 15 living in Iola, Kansas, I worked for a photographer named Sam Raines. Every day after school I would sit at his photography studio and we’d have these epic conversations until the sun set. Sam was the first man in my life other than my grandfather who really listened to me. He would ask me questions and really listen. I had things to say, he convinced me. He told me I was an eagle. That I could see the big picture and the tiny pieces all at once, like an eagle soaring above the landscape, picking out the tiny field mouse for dinner. All these years I’ve clung to what he said. We don’t realize the power of words. Until we do.

About 8 months after I started working for him, Sam died one weekday morning from a heart attack at 49 years old. I’ve never healed from missing him.

Recently in a professional teaching situation, I was told by a woman I desperately wanted to impress that I came across as full of myself. And because I am full of myself, I was like, “What? Me? No!!” And I can’t get that out of my mind. Full of myself? What?

Except I am, apparently. Or at least I walk the line between confidence and arrogance. Like a drunkard.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 18, 2013 2:16 pm

    pssshhh. i have so many things to comment on right now and the order i write them is not in their importance. they would all be first if i could make them. and since my grammar’s already not that awesome, i’ll refrain from being any more creative. but i digress.
    1. can i have a copy of that picture? i’d like to have it printed on canvas and hang in my house.
    2. i thought you were going to say that the woman ALSO called you an eagle and it was more confirmation of the bodacious bird that you are!
    3. aha! you are amazing AND you had someone important TELL you that when you were young. i’m not making excuses but…i never heard that. i’m thrilled that that you’ve always kept those words close to you. good ones to live by.
    4. i want to have the wisdom to say something like this to my daughter: He told me I was an eagle. That I could see the big picture and the tiny pieces all at once, like an eagle soaring above the landscape, picking out the tiny field mouse for dinner. All these years I’ve clung to what he said….
    5. i think having confidence is badass and not something that just anyone has. your confidence has resulted in you doing great things!
    6. i don’t think it’s possible that YOU can be arrogant with all that love and compassion you’re filled with!
    7. peace out girl. and lmk when i can get that canvas, m’kay?! 😉 in fact, can i just browse your whole gallery and decorate my house with sds photography??? no, seriously!

  2. showell permalink
    February 19, 2013 9:30 am

    snapping my fingers as I read your post, KROBB. sds, you rock, girl.

  3. tricia sanchez permalink
    February 21, 2013 6:00 pm

    Sunny, haters gonna hate. Just stay self aware and always be willing to admit your perceived “flaws” might bother one person more than another. She wasn’t digging your mojo. And she’s no eagle, obviously. It takes one to know one, and she’s too low.

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